“How much love is enough?” I was thinking about love recently and this question popped into my mind as I pondered. I wondered about this, because I see so much hunger for love every time I meet a new couple in counseling.
When We’re Hurt, We Focus On How Much Love We Don’t Feel
A couple will come in and they will tell me their issues of what is usually wrong with their partner. They often have very great details of how much their mate has hurt them. I will listen to these stories and I am always left with the same feeling. They are all hungry for more love from the other.
I believe couples get angry with each other because they don’t feel understood by their partner. But an even deeper feeling could be they don’t feel loved enough. They feel a disconnect and a sense that they are alone in the relationship. In some people this can feel like the worst pain in the world.
And this pain can produce all kinds of behaviors. There could be anger, yelling, exiting, and more. We humans have many ways of acting that we use to tell the other person we love that we are in pain. I know this as a therapist. I also know this by being in a relationship where I sometimes get my feelings hurt because I have been known to act out too.
Pain Cuts Us Off From Love and Distances Us From Our Partner
When we are hurt, we can’t feel love. When we are in pain we can’t feel love. When we feel this discomfort inside many of us will do anything we must do to feel loved again. Even though this might not be something we are thinking about in our minds, we are acting it out anyway. We need something from our mate, and we need it right now!
These actions we take are some of the reasons people come into counseling. It’s usually the part of the relationship that is so hard for both people. Understanding at the core what is happening to us as humans is helpful. All humans need and want love. When love isn’t available, we do things to get it back. Some of the things we do are uncomfortable for the other person and may cause difficulty.
All Of Us Are Just Trying to Feel Loved, So Keep Each Other’s Needs In Mind
But if we could all just take a minute to think about what we really want from our significant other, we might agree that we already know what our partner needs. We all crave love from the other. We all want to know our partner loves us. We all want to belong and feel safe.
I know it feels awful to be in an argument or misunderstanding with our beloved. I also know though that each person is just trying to feel loved again by the other. So how much love is enough? There’s no limit on the amount of love we all need. It could be endless. I also know there’s no limit on the amount of love we are all able to give the other. That could be endless too.
Bring More Love Into Your Life
Read a Book About Relationships
Surprise yourself with just how much love is in your life, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It just might help you and your loved one communicate better, helping you feel a stronger connection and more love than ever before. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.