You may feel like, “my wife ignores me” or my wife doesn’t listen.” This feeling comes from your wife living in isolation. She has a lot of feelings in reaction to things you say, but they’re not getting expressed. She’s cutting herself off from you. Why?
Why My Wife Ignores Me
Suppose you ask her for a simple favor or two. You’re making suggestions. She has internal narrative accompanying those suggestions. She might be thinking, “I’m not good enough,” “There’s something wrong with me,” “He doesn’t like the way I am,” or “I can’t please him.”
That’s the story your wife tells herself, when she’s questioned, asked to change, or criticized. Heavy stuff. It’s hard to deal with.
It’s actually so painful for her that she can’t even talk. So she shuts down.
What’s Going On While My Wife Ignores Me?
She’s living in isolation with those depressing feelings. They are weighing her down.
When she shuts down like that, isolated, with just her and those terrible feelings, she isn’t happy. She puts herself in a position where the only company she has is the swirling morass of those terrible feelings.
How to Reach My Wife When She’s Ignoring Me
At this point, you’re jumping out of your skin, because you can’t reach her. You’re distraught. She’s distraught. You’re both miserable.
You have a lot to say, and she can’t hear any of it. You need awareness of your wife’s emotional state, so that you can communicate with her better.
She needs to improve her self-esteem. She also needs to know that it’s okay to hear your requests without taking them personally.
They’re requests, not attacks. Be gentle. You love her.
Break Down Communication Barriers
Read a Book About How to Communicate Instead of Ignoring Each Other
Can’t make it on Monday? Learn more about how to keep communication channels open, and avoid those “my wife ignores me!” situations, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It has tips that will help you communicate more gently, making you less likely to be ignored. It also has advice for her, which might just make it easier for her to open up.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.