Amanda wrote in saying, “My husband gets angry over me being angry. It makes everything worse!” Here’s how he can avoid exacerbating things.
Why Her Husband Gets Angry When She’s Upset
Here’s what happens. Amanda gets mad over something. Having taken her state of upset personally, her husband gets angry himself.
The thing for Amanda’s husband to understand is that whatever she’s upset about, it’s not about him. It’s about her.
What Amanda’s Husband Can Do to Help Them Both Feel Better?
Here’s what would help her. He could not take it personally. Her husband could try this instead. He’d take a step back and say to himself, “I love my partner. She’s suffering right now. What can I do to not get in her way and complicate things?” That might be as simple as telling her, “Honey, I’m here for you.” It could even help to just not say anything at all.
What won’t help is reflecting her anger or upset. If the husband accusingly badgers her with something like, “Why are you so mad?” and questions her right to her feelings, what do you think his anger and questioning are going to do? It’s just going to her angry at him, in addition to whatever she’s already upset about.
Being supportive, or taking a step back, will let Amanda work through it on her own, help her understand herself, and save her some difficulty.
Need Some Help with Angry Spouses and Other Relationship Challenges?
Want even more ways to deal with anger and to communicate constructively with your spouse?
Read a Book About What to Do When Your Husband or Wife Gets Angry
Can’t make it on Monday? Learn more about how to defuse situations between yourself and an angry husband or wife by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It has tips that will help you communicate less confrontationally.
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