Living with a messy wife, girlfriend, husband, or boyfriend can be a challenge.
It’s not uncommon for two people in a relationship to sometimes get disappointed with each other. Frequently disappointment can lead to frustration as we see in the couple in the following video:
The Messy Wife: A Case Study in Disappointment
The woman is reading a magazine while sitting in the midst of a messy house. She appears oblivious to anything but what she is doing at the moment. Her boyfriend or husband bursts through the door and she is very happy to see him. She smiles and wants to connect.
He looks around and sees the mess and just gets mad. He knew she had been at home all day while he was at work and he just assumed that she would be cleaning up the house. He had expected a clean house when he walked through the door. He sees the mess and explodes. He doesn’t even hear the warm greeting offered by his mate.
Another Mess: Frustration, Miscommunication, & Sadness
This couple is unknown to each other. They feel very disconnected from each other. It feels as if they don’t even know each other very well.
I believe if the woman knew how much the man valued a clean house, she would spend the time straightening up before he got home so he could feel good. I believe also that if the man wanted a clean home he could talk with his wife about finishing her housework first, before reading a magazine and relaxing.
Discovering Each Other’s Needs to Create a More Harmonious Relationship
These are simple changes that are needed, and because the couple does not know how to talk about what they want they get into this difficulty.
The man storms out of the house, and the woman is left feeling terrible about herself and the relationship.
How Couples Counseling Can Help
Both are suffering. By walking them through the process of how they communicate in therapy, I show them the difficulty in their relationship by illustrating how they are missing each other. This might be a chance for them to connect with the same feeling, that they do miss each other. Then I would help them see a way to better communicate with each other. That might lead them back to some closeness, something it appears they both want.
If you find yourself struggling with your messy wife or husband, like the people in the video, let Linda help. It’s easy to get started, and you both could feel better.