“How Couples Therapy Works” — Video Transcript
The way I offer couples counseling looks like this: I like both people to come in together. And the reason I do that, is because I can get a sense of what isn’t working in the relationship.
I get both people to talk to me separately, so I can listen to their stories. This is probably one of the most beneficial things for couples. They both have been trying to get their needs met by their partner and they’ve been unsuccessful.
So, what I get to do is I get to listen to each one individually, and then I get to hear what isn’t being said, and usually it’s a feeling that follows all the words, which is:
- “I feel like I’m not attended to.”
- “I feel like he or she doesn’t listen to me.”
- “I’m not important.”
- “I’m not valued.”
These are the most important things I can discover about what’s not happening in your relationship. What I’m able to do is help not only you to understand it, but also your partner to understand it, and then we can start the healing.
We learn new techniques to talk to each other and to reveal our feelings, and what we really want and yearn for, and that makes the couple happier and healthier together.