“Why do people cheat?” is something many wonder. Whether you’re wondering why married men cheat or why women seek comfort outside their relationship, there are some common reasons.
Why Do People Cheat? Well, When They’re Unhappy in Their Relationship…
Being unhappy in a relationship is pretty common. Having an affair because of that unhappiness is also pretty common. When people feel lonely they will do almost anything to relieve the loneliness, including starting a relationship with another person.
I have counselled several couples where one of the mates turned to another to relieve whatever they were feeling. Usually they think they will never be caught by the other, but it often happens that the other already knows.
Some People Cheat, Because They Feel Distant and Crave Connection
If you are connected to someone and in a long-term relationship, it’s likely you can feel when they disconnect from you. That’s because you are feeling them in a way only you can know. When it feels different, well then you might think, they aren’t all here and maybe they are having an affair.
So, why do people cheat? There are many reasons why people cheat in their relationships. Cheating often starts with a couple that just stops communicating or sharing themselves with each other. A gap between the two lives begins to develop. Closing the gap seems so impossible that when someone else shows up and pays attention it can feel all new again, and it’s very inviting.
Even Affairs That “Didn’t Mean Anything” Can Hurt Your Partner
An affair can start very innocently and move very quickly into something else. Then it becomes something that people attach ideas to, like, “Is this better than what I have at home? Well, for the moment, it is. Would I leave my long-term partner for the new one? Probably not.”
And if that’s the case, and if the partner having the affair doesn’t leave and wants to work it out, then explaining what happened and how the affair began in the first place is fraught with danger. Many times when counseling couples in this predicament one will often say, “It didn’t mean anything.” I know what this means. It means that the person saying it never meant to hurt their partner and the affair was regrettable and forgettable.
But the partner who was left can’t believe what is being said because they now feel like they are not enough and their mate might always be looking for something better. And the one who was left is probably really angry because they believed something else about their partner. They believed the partner would never do that.
Coming Back From an Affair Requires Will and Commitment
Repair after an affair is complicated. The injured party has a lot of healing to do. The one who had an affair has to come to grips with what they did to their partner. These two elements have to take place before we can even begin to look at what was missing before the affair occurred.
And that takes commitment. And if a couple wants to work through this I believe they can create what they have always wanted with each other… truth and love and forever.
Now That You’ve Answered “Why Do People Cheat?”, Improve Your Communication and Prevent Gaps From Forming in Your Relationship
Attend a Talk About Relationships
On the 1st and 3rd Monday each month, you can attend FREE relationship talks from marriage and family specialists. Come learn how to create a good relationship and understand problems that get in the way.
Come join the conversation. No reservations needed.
- Mondays: 6:30–7:30pm
- 1232 E Wardlow Road,
Long Beach, CA 90807.
Read a Book About Relationships
Communicate more clearly and feel closer to your partner, by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It just might help you connect and feel loved, cherished, and fulfilled in your relationship. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.