Criticism and Acceptance: Which One of Us Should Change?

Criticism and acceptance: learn how they affect relationships and what you can do about it

Many of us in relationships want our partners to be different. It is so common for one mate to insist on helping their mate to become different. We do this so we will feel more comfortable.

A lot of couples fall into this habit. People want what they want and they do things so they will get what they want, including wanting their partners to become different.

But there is a catch to always wishing that our mate will change. When does this end? In fact, it doesn’t. If we don’t like some things, we will end up always wanting the things we don’t like to be different. And if we find success in changing one thing, well, then we will continue this practice until we get exhausted.

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Do You Blame, Reason or Argue With Your Mate?

Do you blame, reason, or argue with your mate?

Often when our partner does something that we don’t agree with we do something. Some of us get mad at our mate. Others try and reason with their logic. And some of us even blame them for what they are saying, doing, or thinking.

Do you fall into any of these categories? It’s easy to do, in fact if we have one of these habits we usually bring them from childhood. I know in my home when I was a child, all of us argued with each other, and sometimes we yelled our arguments.

It took me a long time to unwind my old habit and build something new, and that is the reason I am writing this article.

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How Our Resentment Hardens into Something Worse

Our resentment in relationships can harden into a wall between us and our partner.

Many of us get our feelings hurt by our mate. In fact, it is a guarantee that if you are involved with the person you love then they will at some time make you unhappy.

They don’t do this because they stop loving you, no, they do it because we all bring our habits into the relationship and that’s where our habits rub our person the wrong way.

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How Childhood Habits Prevent Connection

Our parents model conflict resolution skills for us as children.

All of us create our habits when we are little. I know it would make more sense if we could make them when we are fully grown, but that is not how humans work.

We all have to figure out life as a single digit little person. Let’s say you had a perfect family and your mother and father and siblings were always kind and caring. If this happened to you then wonderful. You are probably a fully formed human and your habits might be fantastic.

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When Couples Don’t Understand Each Other

When Couples Don't Understand Each Other

It’s not uncommon for two people who fall in love to realize that they are not the same. Sometimes people even think that they have nothing in common because they are so different.

This is very common among couples. We fall in love with our mates and everything is glorious. But something happens after a year or two where we start to see that they don’t really get us like we thought they did.

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When Couples Fight

All of us in relationships get into misunderstandings. It is common to not thoroughly know what another person thinks and sometimes we end up stepping on our partner because we believe one thing and they believe something else.

But what if one partner gets upset and the other partner tries to get them to understand that their reasons for getting upset are not valid? This can happen in relationships too.

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When People Get Exhausted Trying to Be Better

All of us in a relationship want to have a great life with the one we love. This is why we couple. It makes sense. We fall in love and believe this is the best feeling in the world. We attach to that feeling, but at some point, we are a little less thrilled with the relationship and our partner.

As a couple’s counselor and someone who is in a relationship, I know this first hand and I help people with this as well. It happens. That wonderful partner we have finally found is not as perfect as we had imagined them.

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How Remembering Your Goodness Helps You and Your Partner

Remembering your goodness can help you and your partner reconnect when things go wrong.

Sometimes when we fight with the person we love we might feel bad about ourselves. On other occasions we might feel angry at them. It just depends on the way we are wired.

Some of us believe others hurt us and therefore we have to react. That’s how I grew up. Others believe they are at fault for the difficulty and blame themselves or just hold things inside. This is how the other half live.

But as I explain this to you, maybe you can see that both people are trying to make sense of something that went wrong: a problem, an argument, a disagreement, or a misunderstanding. It doesn’t matter what gets in the way, we all know when it’s something that keeps us apart it feels terrible.

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When One Partner Blames and the Other Shuts Down

Often in relationships there are two different kinds of people. I have noticed this in the many years I have been counseling couples. One is very clear about how they got their feelings hurt, and the other is likely to keep everything inside.

I see this play out in every couple I have ever counseled. It is very common. The one who emotes, (that’s me), often feels alone in the relationship because their partner doesn’t communicate with them on a deep level.

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Changing Our Harmful Relationship Habits

Changing harmful habits can help your relationship thrive, leaving you less concerned than the woman pictured worrying about her relationship.

All of us have habits we bring into our relationships. Some of them are very good, but some of them can bring about pain and hardship to our partners. And if we have those bad habits, what can we do about them?

Plenty! But the first thing we have to do is understand what it is we are doing.

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