Humans are sensitive beings. We are often impacted by feeling another’s energy. This happens a lot in relationships and it has a big impact on us. So, let’s figure out what we can do about these frequent situations.
I often hear from people who are impacted by the moods of their mates. This is very common. Just think about it for a moment. How often do you walk into a room with people and feel drawn to some and put off by others? It happens to all of us, if we notice it.
It occurs all the time, whether at work, or in social settings, but the place where we feel it the most is with our partner. We are severely impacted by their moods, especially when we notice that they are not feelings great.
Anticipating or Being Exposed to a Partner’s Bad Mood Can Bring Us Down
I heard one couple talk about their life and how when one of the partner’s arrived home, the other was already waiting for him to have a bad mood. The one who was already inside the house just assumed that their mate would be arriving home in distress. This led to separation and difficulty.
Or how about another couple? One of them can feel their partner’s bad mood, and when they felt it they want to leave home. They say they just feel better if they can get out of the house.
No one is saying anything in these situations. People are just receiving the impact of energies and they feel bad because of it. I go through this sometimes with my husband. I will be in a great mood and I will notice his energy and what I believe is his sadness.
It’s as if he is unhappy. Usually I will enquire about it and he says he is fine. But I am not fine feeling his mood. So, how do we handle these situations when they occur?
Letting Your Partner Know How You Feel Can Help Draw Their Attention to Their Own Condition
And as I write this I am taking notes as well. I think we talk about what is happening to us being around them. Not by accusing them of being in a bad mood, instead we might say something like, “I am noticing that my stomach is clenched, because I am feeling something being around you.”
I don’t know whether this might perhaps set them off or shut them down, but at least it’s the truth. Everything in me wants to discover what is wrong, so I can help my husband feel better. But if he is having a mood and he isn’t every sure why he is feeling the way he is feeling, how can he let me know what I can do to help?
He can’t. But what he does do is tell me when he does figure it out. Sometimes it takes a while, but that’s OK. So, here is what I have to learn.
We Have to Be Patient and Let Our Partners Process Their Emotions
Even though I am acutely aware of what is happening to him in his moods, I have to remember that this mood really belongs to him and it does not belong to me. I have to let him handle his mood and to not get upset because I want to handle it.
So, that means some of us have to sit with some uncomfortable feelings, like when our stomach turns into knots. We do this because we love our mate, because they love us, and because they want to be connected to us as much as we want to be connected to them.
We have to trust they will find their way. This is very hard to learn. And as you can see I am still working on it too.
Tired of Breaking Up and Getting Back Together?
Read a Book About Relationships
Learn how to better communicate about how you’re affecting one another by reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It just might help you communicate in a more thoughtful and considerate way, helping the two of you break out of your discomfort and feel happier together. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.