Overcoming your past can be tricky, but liberating. Sometimes we feel trapped by our legacy, or that of those who came before us. Let me tell you about a friend of mine who broke free to find and walk the path to healing himself and the world.
Overcoming Your Past May Start with Overcoming Your Upbringing
I was listening to a friend talk about his parents recently. Both suffered enormous hardships in World War II. They found each other after all of their individual suffering, bonded as a couple, married, then came to the United States, and had a family.
My friend is their child. His parents had very difficult circumstances, losing all their family members. They suffered unimaginable trauma. So, when they raised my friend and his sister, they were very firm about a few things. One: that God did not exist. If God existed they believed, then the terrible things that happened to them would not have happened.
Overcoming Your Past Means Letting Others’ Beliefs and Finding Your Own Way
My friend grew up atheist and untrusting, taught to him by his parents who could not see another way. But my friend said he hungered for something more. He needed to find a way for his own soul to flourish, not stay in the world of his parents.
He studied what he could find, yoga and meditation. He said yes to all kinds of modalities and ideas that were very different than his parents. He developed a new way to look at life and the world. He became a healer of others, connecting people to new thoughts and experiences. He is a bringer of good energy to the planet. Different than the people who raised him.
Even the Best Intentions Can’t Make the Wrong Ideas Right for Us
His story gave me hope: hope that there is a way for all of us to find a path that works for us. Most of us will not grow up the way my friend did, but each of us were taught by parents or caregivers that gave us their best. Unfortunately, people’s best may not be exactly what we need.
I am sure my friend’s parents loved him dearly. I am sure my mother and father loved me dearly. I am sure your parents loved you dearly too. But all of us have to push their ways aside and find our own way to be in this world.
Overcoming Your Past Means Finding Your Own Way
Every person on earth has to find his or her own way, even if we have the best parents or caregivers in the world, we still have to find our own way.
So, what does that mean? Just look at what my friend did to understand. He searched for something better for his life. He knew he wasn’t happy and he looked and looked until he started to understand himself better and find a way to walk and learn and grow that made sense to him. Not his parent’s way: his way.
And this is really the path for all of us. We can stay the way we were raised and stick with that, and if that works for you: great. But if you feel that your relationships are not as loving as you would like, then maybe you too are looking for a better way.
This is where we begin: finding a way that works for us. Not your partner, not for your parents, for you. Because when all is said and done, you are what matters most.
Get Help with Overcoming Your Past and Moving Forward
Attend a Talk About Relationships
On the 2nd and 3rd Monday each month, you can attend FREE relationship talks from marriage and family specialists. Come learn how to create a good relationship and understand problems that get in the way.
Come join the conversation. No reservations needed.
- Mondays: 6:30–7:30pm
- 1232 E Wardlow Road,
Long Beach, CA 90807.
Read a Book About Relationships
Craving something more for your relationship? Try reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It just might help you learn new ways to open up and connect with your partner. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.