Hurt feelings in a relationship are more common than any of us would like.
Many couples struggle when they hurt each other’s feelings. This is the time when both people in the relationship feel so alone. It is also the time when there is usually no way either can figure out how to get back to loving each other again.
This is very common with people who struggle when there are disagreements, misunderstandings, or even fights in their relationships. We all have to do something when we get our feelings hurt, especially if the one who is hurting our feelings is our beloved.
Hurt Feelings in a Relationship May Make Us Withdraw For a While
Hurt feelings in a relationship lead to people withdrawing. I know I do. I usually make an enemy out of the person who I believe hurt my feelings. I also have done a lot of work on this issue and I know that eventually I will see that the story I made up about the person who hurt me belongs to me and me alone.
I know that once I get back to my center, I realize that my person really loves me and would not hurt me on purpose like my mind tells me he does. I know that when I can think more clearly, I can find my way back to the relationship. From there, I can probably understand what my mind has been telling me. I can then put those stories to rest, allowing me to reconnect.
Recovering From Hurt Feelings in a Relationship Starts with Identifying How We Were Hurt
This is the work of being in a relationship. It is not your partner’s responsibility to always make you happy, even though sometimes we wish they were. It is our responsibility to understand ourselves and make our own way back.
Figuring out which of our feelings got hurt and why is also helpful. That way we can educate our partner, which helps them understand us better. With that knowledge, they’ll probably be more careful not to step on our tender zones in the future.
Teaching Our Partner How We Tick Is the Key to Reducing Hurt Feelings in a Relationship
All of us have tender spots inside us. These are the places where we get really hurt. Often it happens with a word or gesture and it’s sometimes right out of the blue. Well, it is probably out of the blue all the time.
That’s just us being triggered with something old and being reminded of the pain we carry inside us. It’s not a bad thing; some of us are just wired that way.
But in a relationship, this can be very mysterious to our mate who doesn’t live inside our body and doesn’t know of these tender spots. That’s why we have to learn how to educate them on us. If we do this, then we can live a more peaceful life with the one we love.
All of us get our feelings hurt, and so hurt feelings in a relationship are just a fact of life. All of us close up and withdraw in some way when it happens. Find your own way back. This is your work in the relationship. Here’s the benefit: when you find your way back, your partner will follow and do so too. It just happens. And then you know everything will be okay.
Get Help Recovering from Hurt Feelings in a Relationship
Attend a Talk About Relationships
On the 2nd and 3rd Monday each month, you can attend FREE relationship talks from marriage and family specialists. Come learn how to create a good relationship and understand problems that get in the way.
Come join the conversation. No reservations needed.
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Read a Book About Relationships
Learn how to better handle hurt feelings in a relationship, by reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help you communicate the way you’re being hurt to your partner in a way that will reach them. This can help them hurt you less, making you feel happier and more loved. Give it a read.
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Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.