I was thinking about something I heard recently. It was a story about a counselor that talked to this couple. The couple had some relationship difficulties and the counselor simply advised them to come from the heart, not from the head.
That’s it. The therapist just said, “Come from the Heart, not the Head.” Yep, that was the advice. And guess what? The couple cleared their challenges and became more mindful, and then they lived happily ever after.
I know I probably sound glib. I’ve worked with many couples, and helping them is not that easy unless there is very little that needs fixing. But I do realize that this is a wonderful opportunity to talk about what coming from the heart means and why it can be so powerful.
How You Face Challenges Together Will Define Your Connection and Your Relationship
Couples are often defined by what isn’t working between them. Sometimes they fight and resort to yelling or to not talking, and that’s how they work out their difficulties. Sometimes people just decide not to talk about certain things and they get by that way. But when we are really close and feeling connected to our mates, when we have things linger without being resolved, we can’t feel that closeness.
Couples just want to feel connected. This really is what people hunger for and why they try so hard to get it. I know that when people are missing each other and not understanding each other, it’s usually because they’re both trying so hard to get their points across that they don’t have anything left to listen to the other person. Both people need to feel understood by each other. Yet they both miss one another at the same time, and they are not being heard.
When this is happening, there is no open heart. There is usually frustration and disappointment, because people don’t feel connected. And this is when the head is busy talking to each person about what their partner did wrong or how one feels about themself with self-criticism of which things they should have done more, less, or differently.
Keep an Open Heart By Coming From a Place of Love and Avoiding Negative Speculation
When we are in our head we make up stories about why we feel the way we do. And usually they are not good stories, they usually have some blame or criticism attached to them. When we are in our hearts we are open and loving and revealing without restraint. And this is a very difficult place for most people.
But every once in awhile, we all feel immensely connected to the one we love. We know we are one with them and we feel great. This is open hearted. The mistake we make is thinking that this feeling is supposed to last forever. It doesn’t. We have to work on not blaming our mate and remembering that we love them. That way, we can find a way to take down the wall of resentment and open our hearts.
We have all done this. We just have to find a way to do it more often. Let’s all remember the advice from that other therapist, you remember, “come from the heart, not the head.”
Bring Open-Heartedness to Your Relationship
Attend a Talk About Relationships
On the 2nd and 3rd Monday each month, you can attend FREE relationship talks from marriage and family specialists. Come learn how to create a good relationship and understand problems that get in the way.
Come join the conversation. No reservations needed.
- Mondays: 6:30–7:30pm
- 1232 E Wardlow Road,
Long Beach, CA 90807.
Read a Book About Relationships
Learn how to come from a place of open-heartedness, by Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It may help you and your partner fight less, feel closer, and grow happier together. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.