I was talking to a friend the other day about a trip I was going to take. It’s an exotic one with a different friend to a place that she wants to go and I said I would go along. It’s a lot of money, more money than I have ever spent on a trip. I have the money, but something inside me says, “Wow, you are spending a lot of money.”
The Lessons Our Parents Pass Down
This is part of the package of old messages that I received when I was a little girl. We were not poor, but my mother’s comfort at spending money was always on the frugal side. Day old bread is perfectly fine. Shopping at the 99 cent store is good. Hand me downs from cousins and sisters was just our norm. I did not grow up poor. But the messages I received about spending money were “don’t spend it, ever.”
I remember the first time I had another thought about this. I was in a high end grocery store with a friend. We went to the bakery section and I got very excited when I saw the “day old” rack. I exclaimed, “They have day old.” This must have ratted my friend because she said, “Why buy day old? Let’s get something fresh.”
Adapting Means Outgrowing Some of Our Parents’ Lessons
This was a game changer for me. It gave me a new thought about something that until then had been set in stone. “Wow, I can get fresh,” I thought. And that was exciting! My mother worried about money. Her worries became my worries, until I noticed them and then for a moment started to decide for myself. And it might be something different than what I learned.
As we grow away from our families and make our own lives we often bump up against the messages from our youth. We were all taught many, many things. A lot of them we will cherish and stick to. But some of them can be altered, for the better of our lives.
Part of Happiness is Reassessing Lessons
Sometimes partners stick to what they learned and argue with their mates because what they learned is different. Having differences is normal. Believing that what we learned is the only way to think about something is short-sighted. Start today learning what’s important to you as an individual, in your present life. Evaluate whether buying “day old” should still be the rule. Use your wisdom to decide if you can break out and alter something you learned.
Like I am, when I travel with that friend. As weird as it feels to spend this money, I am going to do it. I am breaking through some old messages too. And the results just might be fantastic!
Learn More About When to Embrace Old Ways and When to Move On
Can’t make it on Monday? Learn how to make the most of your relationship by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might help you improve your communication and better meet each other’s needs. Give it a read.
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