“My husband ignores me.” “My husband doesn’t make time for me.” “Maybe, my husband doesn’t love me.” Familiar with any of those feelings? You’re not alone.
Feeling Like My Husband Ignores Me Is Painful
All of us in relationships want to feel accepted and received by the person we love. It’s a longing we all share and impossible not to feel. We crave our person to see us and to remind us that we matter. We need to feel valued by the one we love and we hunger for these reassuring moments.
So the idea that we may NOT feel loved, necessary, or that we matter to our mate is, in my opinion, one of the worst things we can feel.
Feeling Like “My Husband Ignores Me” Comes From a Sense of Rejection
It feels like rejection of who we are. And that is the most terrible pain we can suffer. So when one person feels they are being ignored in the relationship… Wow, that’s just wrong.
If you are reading this, think about a time when you felt ignored. What happens to you? Do you become self critical and tell yourself something negative about yourself? Or do you get mad at the person who ignores you? Do you fire up and decide to take them down because you felt that awful feeling?
How about learning a new way to handle that sense of rejection…that my husband ignores me feeling.
To Control the Pain of Being Ignored, First Control Your Reaction
All of us do something when we get our feelings hurt. And if you are in a relationship where your partner ignores you, I know you are feeling pretty terrible. Everyone would. So my question to you is what do you do when you feel your mate ignoring you? What is your response to this terrible feeling?
How you respond is how we change it. I don’t know what your partner is thinking so I can’t comment on his or her behavior. But I can advise you to do something helpful. You may have told your partner many times something like, “Stop ignoring me,” or “Why are you ignoring me?”
The Importance of Communicating Your Feelings to Your Partner, Rather Than Accusations
You might be saying to me right now you have made your partner aware of this many times when they do this to you. And if you are telling me this I am glad to hear it. I know you have enough confidence to make it different. I know that you want to feel better with your mate. So let’s try something new.
If you look back in your history with this situation you will see that even though you have pointed out the behavior many, many, many times it has still not changed. What I am about to advise you to do is very different. Your husband didn’t respond to being told what was done to you. So, instead, I want you to tell your mate what happens to you when he does ignore you.
You might be saying, “I have done that,” and I believe you. But I want to try something different. Think of the feeling you have when you are ignored. What does it feel like? Here are some ideas. It might make you feel small, not enough, insufficient, and the big one: unloved. This is what happens to you. That’s what you have to work with.
How to Tell Your Husband How Being Ignored Makes You Feel
Now figure out how you are going to communicate that piece of information to your person. And this is the best part. Your mate doesn’t want you to be unhappy. If your partner loves you, they want you to feel better. So tell you partner what happens to you when they don’t listen or don’t pay attention to you. Tell them how it makes you feel unloved.
Now if you can say this to your mate, you have to consider your tone. It can’t be from the pain you are feeling. It has to come from a place that is wide open in your heart, and it might be in your sadness because you feel so sad, and you have to go in soft, like talking to a child you love.
Solving Relationship Neglect Requires Patience and Breaking Old Habits
If you want to re-train another, you have to think of yourself as a caring teacher, not a wounded, angry person. You can’t try and get something done with a hammer. Use your feather instead. Tell them lovingly how unhappy you are when you don’t feel they want to listen to you. Tell them it breaks your heart.
I know this is hard. But I promise you, if you can master this one thing, your partner will be able to listen to you and he or she might even crave it. Now that could feel fantastic.
Shake That “My Husband Ignores Me” Feeling
Read a Book About How to Stay Connected with Your Partner
Can’t make it on Monday? If you’d like more help defusing your “my husband ignores me” situation, learn more about how to communicate your feelings with your spouse by reading Linda’s book, Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It has tips that just might help you understand each other’s feelings and strive to help one another feel happier and less neglected. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.