Sometimes in life we are faced with difficult situations. This is the life all of us will encounter at some point. Many of us know hard experiences already.
Maybe a family member has died. Maybe you have had some cut offs in your life that you regret. These are big experiences that many of us will face.
How Do You Handle Anger at Your Partner?
But what do we do when we get seriously mad at our mate? Do you hold a grudge? Do you blame them and make them pay? Do you internalize your pain and think it is your fault?
These are some of the reactions that people might have. We are all different so you will have to think about what it is you do when you get mad at your partner. In the beginning of my relationship with my husband I used to get really mad when my feelings got hurt.
I blamed my husband-to-be for causing my upset. In fact this was my habit for every time I got my feelings hurt. Blame who caused it, hold a grudge until the grudge healed. Hope I didn’t ruin another relationship.
Upbringing Shapes Our Responses, But Training Can Reshape Them for the Better
We all have habits we bring into our relationships. All of us learn our habits when we were young in the family we grew up in. If your family yelled, and mine certainly did, you are probably a yeller. If your family held their emotions inside and didn’t show them, that’s probably what you do too.
All of us got training on how to become the humans we are today. That training came from our caretakers. If they didn’t know what to do with feelings, then we learned that from them. This article is not to blame our parents. I love my mom and dad.
But eventually I had to learn that my anger at the one who hurt me didn’t belong to them, it belonged to me. I slowly unwound my habit of taking it out on another and started to attend to my own hurt feelings.
Changing Your Habits Can Help Partners Meet Your Needs
It would be great if our partners could always know what to do to help us. This would be amazing. But it is not possible. I am sure my partner knew I was upset. But he never knew what to do to help me. Not until I learned what happened to me when my feelings got hurt and figured out a way to communicate it in a nice way did things get better.
And they got a lot better. We will hurt each other in our relationships. This is not on purpose and it will happen. What can you do about your own hard stuff, when you suffer and feel alone and sad? You might begin to figure out what happened to you. This would be a great start.
You too can begin to unwind your habits that separate you from the one you love. And when we learn how to take down the walls between us and reveal our own deepest traits, that’s when we really connect. And connection and to know we are loved is what humans crave. All of us do.
Grow Beyond Lashing Out in Anger
Read a Book About Relationships
Learn how to reduce conflict and heal from pain in your relationship by reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help you show more empathy and compassion, helping you move past hurt and feel truly loved. Give it a read.
Get Couples Counseling
Come in for couples counseling. Couples counseling can help you and your loved one get the most out of your relationship. It'll equip you with coping strategies and tools for communication that can help you argue less and love more.