Feeling alone in a relationship is quite common. Even though you are sharing your life with another person, sometimes we can be so lost in our own thoughts that we feel all by ourselves.
The funny thing is that your partner is probably right there and yet you still feel alone. This happens to a lot of couples. And when we feel alone in our relationship, more things start to happen. We might even get mad at our mate.
How We Show We’re Feeling Alone in a Relationship
We might say to them, “I just don’t feel connected like I used to,” or “You never talk to me,” and “You’d rather be with your friends than be with me.”
Each one of these phrases tell the partner something. It first signals that you are mad at them. But the real point I think you are trying to make is that you love them and want to feel more love.
But to talk about love when you have been feeling isolated is pretty hard to do. Most of us, because of how we are wired, will simply talk about what doesn’t feel right to us. And since it involves our partner, we will say what isn’t working to them.
Complaining, Without Specific Requests for Change, Can Distance You From Your Partner
This kind of situation leads to a lot of suffering. The one who is longing for more connection may become disappointed or disillusioned with the relationship. The other who has heard the complaints has probably figured out a way to remain silent. And this takes work too. If we close off to our partner, then we feel alone as well.
I see this play out in some of the couples that come in for counseling. If this system has been in place for a while it might take some time to break out of. But if you are just discovering that this type of interaction sounds familiar, here is what you can do right now.
What to Do When Feeling Alone in a Relationship
First, know that it’s common to feel disconnected in a relationship. You are not the same as your mate. You have entirely different thoughts and feelings and energy. You may have experienced each other very closely in the beginning and wonder where that closeness went and that’s why you feel disconnected.
Second, know that that’s normal too. We all feel a lessening of the intensity of the relationship after a year or more. This doesn’t mean it is a bad relationship. All this signals is that there really are two people in the relationship. Not one. Not one thought about what comes next. So, realize that there are two of you.
Third, and most importantly, here is my advice: learn what would make you happy and then ask for it from your partner.
Reaching Out Effectively Helps You Feel Less Alone in a Relationship
Your partner loves you with their heart. They hear when you are unhappy. And I bet they don’t know what it is you would like them to do. So, if you could understand yourself, realize what you need and ask for it in a kind, loving way, I assure you, your mate will do cartwheels to produce it.
No lie. Every partner wants to know how to make their beloved happy. The trick is being able to tell them what it is you need. And if you can, you will produce a relationship of lifelong happiness, and isn’t that what we all want.
Get Help Feeling Less Alone in Your Relationship
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Read a Book About Relationships
Learn how to connect with your partner more effectively by reading Linda’s book Safe. Happy. Loved. Simple Skills for Your Relationship. It might just help you communicate your feelings to your partner in a way that will reach them. You might just find you feel less distant, more connected, and more loved. Give it a read.
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