The Difference Between Attachment and Compassion

All of us dream about being in love with our person. And when we meet the right one, well we plug them into what we want. This is very human.

Sometimes in our relationships we expect our partner to be what we want them to be and if they don’t then we tell them about it. This is common too.

All of us have some idea in our own heads about what we think will make us happy, and we play it out in our relationships. I know I did. When I met my husband-to-be I was sure that my life would be just right.

Many times, in relationships people ask their partner to try and change their behavior. This happens often where someone likes things done one way and the mate wants it done differently.

It would be just great if everyone in a couple were to say, “Fine, you do it your way and I will do it mine,” without any disagreement. But that is usually not the way humans are wired.

Insecurity in relationships is incredibly common. So many of us wonder whether we will always be with the one we love! If we love them then we want to feel secure with them. But sometimes if there is ambivalence that we notice with our mate, we might feel insecure about the relationship.

This is common too. And if we feel unsure if the relationship will last, well we might resort to things that are full of anxiety, like asking if our partner loves us, or wondering when they will ask us to live with them, get engaged or even marry.

These are elements that make some of us feel secure in our relationship. If we have one of these elements, we might be able to lose our worry about when we will get it.

Nagging in relationships: it’s common and doesn’t make anyone happy. No one wants to be nagged, and no one wants to nag their partner. Why does it happen, and how can we move past it?

When we are in a relationship, we often rely on our partner to do things for us. This is only natural. They probably rely on us to do for them as well.

When couples struggle in a relationship, someone or both might see their mates as the one who caused the hurt. If this is the case, then one or both might blame the other for making them feel bad.

This is very common among couples. I know this intimately because as a young girl I blamed everyone who hurt me. I did not know another way to communicate my hurt to the person who caused me pain.

I blamed the one who caused me difficulty and it was usually a family member. It would be strange if I did this alone, but we all did this. We just didn’t learn a better way of handling our hurt emotions.

A misunderstanding can happen so easily. One partner says something the other believes it was a slight and gets offended and then there is a disagreement.

But what really happened was someone saying something that the other person didn’t quite understand and the receiver made it into something that it wasn’t.

Does this sound like something that happens in your relationship? Well, it happened in mine.

Often in relationships couples will fight with each other. Both want the other person to hear them, but the arguments usually continue without one person giving in, so there is no resolution. And that’s exactly what both people want.

Often when in a disagreement partners will tell the other person mean things. They might call them names or discuss the way they act, all to point out that they have something that they need to share.

Often when we lash out at our mate it is usually because we have been triggered by something they have said or done. This is common because most people hold on to our difficult feelings and they reside somewhere in the body.

Someone we love says something to us and we explode. This is common too. If you are in a relationship and your loved one just reacts when you say something, it’s probably because you touched something that resides in his or her body and this feeling has been out of reach until you triggered it.

That’s why psychologists call these out of the blue reactions triggers. They probably make sense to the person who is reacting if they have spent time wondering why they act the way they do.

Often when our partner does something that we don’t agree with we do something. Some of us get mad at our mate. Others try and reason with their logic. And some of us even blame them for what they are saying, doing, or thinking.

Do you fall into any of these categories? It’s easy to do, in fact if we have one of these habits we usually bring them from childhood. I know in my home when I was a child, all of us argued with each other, and sometimes we yelled our arguments.

It took me a long time to unwind my old habit and build something new, and that is the reason I am writing this article.

Many of us get our feelings hurt by our mate. In fact, it is a guarantee that if you are involved with the person you love then they will at some time make you unhappy.

They don’t do this because they stop loving you, no, they do it because we all bring our habits into the relationship and that’s where our habits rub our person the wrong way.

Communication Articles

The Difference Between Attachment and Compassion

If We Can’t Change Our Partner

Insecurity in Relationships: When We Worry Our Partner Will Leave

Nagging in Relationships

What Happens When We Blame Our Mate?

When There is a Misunderstanding

When Our Partner Causes Us Pain

How Our Triggers Keep Us Trapped

Do You Blame, Reason or Argue With Your Mate?

How Our Resentment Hardens into Something Worse