All of us dream about being in love with our person. And when we meet the right one, well we plug them into what we want. This is very human.
Sometimes in our relationships we expect our partner to be what we want them to be and if they don’t then we tell them about it. This is common too.
All of us have some idea in our own heads about what we think will make us happy, and we play it out in our relationships. I know I did. When I met my husband-to-be I was sure that my life would be just right.
When we are in a relationship with the person we love it is so easy to misread how they are treating us. We believe that what they do has something to do with us, our behavior and our being. But that is not always the case.
Let’s say your beloved gets angry with you and is harsh with their words. You might think that they are really mad at you and you might lash back, or hold it in or try to escape.
What we do when someone is angry at us has a lot to do with our old habits. This is how we handle large emotions and we have been doing it this way since we learned how as a child.
When couples fight, sometimes there is a lot of anger that gets inflicted on people. Being angry is a secondary emotion. That means it comes second after the first emotion. The first emotion is often pain.
But if you have an angry habit, like I had, I know that there wasn’t someone to take care of your pain when you were little. And as little people if you wanted someone’s attention, well getting mad and yelling about it is a pretty good tactic.
But after you grow up and you are in an adult relationship it doesn’t work as well. That’s when the habit gets dicey and uncomfortable. If you have a pattern of getting mad and exploding, let’s talk. This article is for you.
Many of us lash out at our mates when we get upset. This is a habit or pattern we might have used since childhood. It might have worked then, but I have a feeling your partner is not very crazy about it and wishes it would stop.
I know, I lived this way for years. I would get upset and yell at the person who hurt me. I learned this as a little girl and continued to use it well into my forties.