All of us like things the way we like them. This is a part of being human, where we have preferences. We like what we like and we don’t like what we don’t like. I notice this because I get really cranky when my comfort is compromised.
And I bet I am a lot like you. And I also know that I have to soften around my edges to make room for my person, my husband, the one I am walking the earth with. And this is hard. I especially notice this when I am sleeping. I am what is known as a “light” sleeper. I wake up easily when there is noise.
I was visiting New York recently and it was cold. Standing in a store to get my coffee I noticed an older man wearing a thick winter jacket holding a little doggy in a coat. It was a small dog, about 10 pounds, held close to this man’s breast. The animal’s little head was shaking.
I asked the man the name of his puppy, and in a second his hardness in his face turned into a little boy as his eyes softened and he said in the sweetest voice, “Sprinkles.” My heart felt his heart. I could feel his sincere devotion to his little dog. It was like a melody of a beautiful song the way he spoke of his pup, sweet, pure, wonderful.
Everyone who gets involved with another person has good intentions. We all believe the relationship will be great and last forever. Everyone thinks this, so if you thought you were alone, you are not. In fact, you’re the same as the rest of us.
We all want to be happy in our relationships. That too is universal. The problem is that most of us, before we find someone, have put ourselves together pretty well. We probably know how to do everything we need to do to live our life and we don’t need anyone’s help. That is what we consider a successful individual.
I was at the movies recently watching a new release called Youth. It’s about all kinds of people having life changing experiences and what they do with them. The movie kind of stayed with me and mulled around my my mind until the next day when I got it. I realized that some of the characters opened themselves up to a different kind of life while some of the other characters closed themselves down and folded into something smaller. This was my take away from the movie.
And then I thought about us, you know the people in relationships and how we do the same thing. When we are hurt we close up. When we feel loving we open. And isn’t it really that simple? You can see it in yourself even. When you feel understood, safe, and connected you stay open. When you feel misunderstood, worried and unloved you close up.