When two people fall in love, they usually find many, many things that bind them together. A new couple can feel elevated with the ideas that another person sees things the way they do and feels the same way too. These are the experiences that tell us our partnership is the right one.
But after being with our special person for a while we begin to notice how they don’t really get us sometimes. We see how we think about something yet our beloved will think an entirely different thought as if they are speaking another language. This is quite normal as couples move from the “we are just alike stage” to “we used to be alike and now we are different.”
Dealing with anger in a relationship can be difficult. Anger can push us away from our partner, so learning how to control anger’s influence on our lives and partner is incredibly important. Many of us don’t develop effective tools for dealing with anger until later in life, if ever. If you’re reading this, maybe you could use a helping hand.
If you get angry at your mate, you are not alone. If you get really mad and yell or do other things to your partner when you get upset… again, you are not alone. Anger is pretty common in relationships. And this is not an article about how terrible it is. This is a message about what to do about it.
I was talking to a friend the other day about a trip I was going to take. It’s an exotic one with a different friend to a place that she wants to go and I said I would go along. It’s a lot of money, more money than I have ever spent on a trip. I have the money, but something inside me says, “Wow, you are spending a lot of money.”
This is part of the package of old messages that I received when I was a little girl. We were not poor, but my mother’s comfort at spending money was always on the frugal side. Day old bread is perfectly fine. Shopping at the 99 cent store is good. Hand me downs from cousins and sisters are was just our norm. I did not grow up poor. But the messages I received about spending money were “don’t spend it, ever.”
All of us have times in our lives when we don’t feel good about ourselves. Every human sometimes wonders if they are loved, or enough, or good enough. This is pretty common for most of us. And when we hold these low ideas about ourselves most of us get a pretty terrible feeling inside us, and we might even think we are alone in the world. And that feels awful.
But what if you could think of your partner, your mate, the one you love as standing strong for you when you have these low feelings? What would it be like for you to actually go to them and say, “I could really use a hug from you right now?”