I’m often asked things like, “Help! My husband stops talking to me when we fight. What do I do?” or “My wife stops talking to me when I’ve done something wrong. How can I get her to open back up?”
When couples fight or argue or have a disagreement it’s not uncommon for one person in the relationship to stop talking. This happens among many couples so if you are experiencing this in your relationship know that you are not alone.
Letting go of hurt feelings is hard, especially if it’s our partner doing the wounding. It is not uncommon for many of us to get our feelings hurt and not be able to talk about it. Sometimes the pain and discomfort can even make someone stop talking for days.
This is serious, especially for the person who feels the hurt. He or she is suffering. And it feels terrible. Many couples have one or more people who have this pattern and it’s just painful for both.
I am in the business of helping people understand each other. As a couples counselor I listen to people tell me about their struggles with their partners, the person they love.
I know that every time I hear a story I know that person is telling me his or her truth. We as humans feel very strongly about what we think and believe. These thoughts and feelings are what make us who we are, and feeling like we matter depends on letting others know what we are about.
And I know that people just want to let their partners know what they think and feel. Most people in relationships feel they must get the other person to understand them or they will feel invisible and undervalued. It is very important for people in relationships to get their partners to understand what matters to them.